Our Lady of the Stars are the latest entrants to the Tory leadership race. Party hopeful, John McKeown (The Yummy Fur / 1990s / Trans), is pledging a manifesto which promises a schizophrenic hodge-podge of VU / Roxy elegance, obligatory occult references, vocal harmonies straight from The Residents songbook, gloopy Tangerine Dream synths and songs about dead fathers encouraging their children to dress up as Santa.

Uber fan, Angela Leadsom, has tweeted ‘Steve Reichian guitar motifs spiralling into a double helix of baroque chordal work tumbling over the event horizon into the paradoxical labyrinths of Jorge Luis Borges’ mind brain still living within death is clearly what the 52% of this country voted for so LET’S GET ON WITH IT!’

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